My ex-husband died a week ago. It was sudden and unexpected. A mutual friend called me knowing I would want to know. A pulmonary embolism, she said. He was 56.
I learned of his death on Friday. I broke down immediately into soft tears as she told me what she knew and we spoke of him and the impact he had on us and others who spent time with him. When I got off the phone I fell apart into a mess of wailing grief.
We were together for almost 17 years. We have been not-together since 2010. I will write more about this I think in a future post as writing is my strongest tool for processing significant events in my life and key relationships.
What I want to share right now is that over the past few days my life with him has flashed before my eyes— bits and pieces, small details of the spaces and experiences we shared. These are things that hadn’t been recorded in photos or videos. True memories from my heart and mind.
It’s been an overwhelming, visceral, and existential ordeal. While I know I’m equipped and capable to manage my way through this part of my journey, I’ve discovered it is a unique kind of loss.
As I navigate this profound and unexpected loss, I’m struck by the complex nature of grief that comes with the death of a former spouse. It’s a reminder that love, even when it shifts, leaves a lasting imprint on our hearts. Although our lives took different directions years ago, the memories we created together—those fleeting moments that live in my heart—continue to shape who I am today.
I’d love to hear from others who have faced this unique kind of loss. If you’ve experienced the death of a former partner, please reach out or share your story in the comments. Perhaps we can find some solace and understanding in our shared experiences and honour the complicated tapestry of our lives.